Lonely Star Wars Girl

A long time ago in a state far, far away, a shy girl of 12 saw a TV ad that nearly blew her away! A galaxy, a princess and an evil dark villain with explosions and robots and stormtroopers? How cool was that! I wanted to be a part of that world, to explore space, blast a space creature and travel the galaxy in an X-Wing. 'Oh but you're a girl' said my peers, 'you can't be interested in boy things like space travel and robots and such...just stay in your corner playing dolls and make believe and don't make a fuss!'

But I never liked dolls and make-believe for me was with Hot Wheels and Matchbox cars, my preference for GI Joes instead of Barbies made me a freak of nature, a girl not normal to some, but I didn't see anything wrong with me desmembering Barbies instead of brushing their hair and pretending to love. I held my head up high as I wore my Star Wars shirts, collected trading cards and read science fiction books, letting my stuffed animals and tea sets sit in the closet collecting dust.

The boys ignored me, the girls giggled at my back, but I loved Star Wars and for that I wasn't sorry or ashamed. It gave me a sense of adventure, for that I craved, a boy from a planet nobody heard of became a hero for all to love. The characters were endearing, from R2-D2 to C3PO, and some I crushed on such as Han Solo, as my 12 year old heart started to fall in love. The years went by and the movies got better, as Empire Strikes Back just made me swoon in awe over AT-AT Walkers and Hoth and Cloud City floating above. They called me nerd, geek, weirdo and tom-boy, and those words stung with hate, sending me retreating into my world of fake. I found solace in the galaxy far, far away...for it was the only place I felt I belonged and I so wanted to stay with the characters I now felt such a bond with...in my dreams and when I was awake, daydreaming in class about slicing a bully in half with a quick flick of a light saber or blasting my way out of the cafeteria to save the school from a giant space monster or some world-ending calamity.

The original trilogy came to an end, but my love for those other worlds never faded away. I kept them in my heart, and as the outside of me changed and I grew to become a young woman I never forgot my childhood retreat and often found refuge when the pressures of school and peers became too great. I moved on to college taking some of my precious Star Wars collectibles with me, but I kept them to myself out of site of the world to see. For they were mine and mine alone, as I had no one to share my world with me. I met people, made lifelong friends and fell in love and graduated, married and moved away, but my Star Wars world was with me all the time, just waiting for the day, that I could resurrect it from my mind and feel alive just like the day in 1977 on the 25th of May.

Kids came along, 5 in fact, and it was time to be a wife and mother and my world was put away for a while in place of reality, diapers and playdates. Other mothers scoffed and sneered, as I confided my love of Star Wars and its wonders. Why was it so hard to find someone to share Star Wars with? Was I the only woman who adored the movies? Did I have to keep my fantasy world locked inside my head? The man I married loved me for who I am and even though he didn't share in my euphoria over worlds far away and Luke Skywalker, the princess and the Empire didn't seem to matter to him he knew it had a special place in my heart and mind.

As children grew and memories started to fade, 1997 began the year it became magical again. The movies were restored to the original glory and some added scenes! I was a kid again, and now my kids could see exactly what inspired my imagination to want to live in a galaxy far, far away, where I could be a hero, a princess, a stormtrooper or Jedi all the same. My sons were amazed at the sights, sounds and battles and so began the second generation of fans of Star Wars. A mother like me couldn't be more proud, to see her children pretend play in battles unseen, lightsabers clashing, blaster sounds re-created. This was all I ever wanted, to share my love for Star Wars, if not with my peers then with my offspring. We were off to Star Wars Celebrations near and far and I cherished every memory of those exciting times and collected many things, the most important being memories of happy children clutching new Star Wars things. The children were just as excited about the prequels as I was about the original trilogy. Even though I didn't find myself loving the prequels as much as the original three, just seeing my kids happy made it worthwhile to me.

Children grow and interests change and to my oldest his passion for Star Wars has ended as he is becoming a young man with his own hopes and dreams and desires in the form of Halo video games and paintball and war, but the other 4 children still seem to have love for other worlds with Sith, Jedi and C3PO. There will be a time they won't have any interest with galaxies far, far away....but they will have memories they'll cherish throughout their days...and so will I. I will always be a Star Wars fan, and it doesn't matter age or gender...as the story belongs to us all, and we have an obligation to make sure we embrace those who love it their own way, and those who don't. Thanks to the world wide web for letting those of us who grew up with these worlds connect with one another and share stories and pictures and video, for these will always continue for generations yet to come. And there will be a day when a Star Wars fan will be just that, a fan, regardless of girl or boy!

May the Force be with you all...